blah hog

Note to self:

2010-01-21T11:02:00.002-06:00

Just do it! You know you want to. You've been wanting to for months, so just come here and start typing. You don't have to write an award-winning piece. It doesn't have to say or mean anything. Just get yourself here every day and write. Practice. Some day you'll have something to say and you'll feel like writing about it and doing so will be easier because you will have gotten back into the habit of coming here.

Okay?

Benazir Bhutto assassinated

2007-12-28T01:38:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, Thursday, Dec. 27, Pakistan's former Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto was assassinated just after leaving a rally for her candidacy in the upcoming elections.

A sad, a very sad day.

Don't ask...

2007-12-28T01:06:00.000-06:00

what prompted me to visit this blog at this time and then try to log-in after almost two years since I last posted and then actually post. Well, I should clarify: I have logged in within the past few months at which time I had to do something--what I don't recall now--in order to get back to my blog since Blogger had apparently upgraded its system or format or whatever. At that time, I obviously was not inspired to post as I am now.

Don't ask, but I will tell. I'm awake hours later than what I'm used to. I'm on winter break and just spent hours organizing my beads and supplies to start making some pieces while I've got the time. So I'm done with that for now and came to the computer before going to bed. I didn't find anything interesting to look at or do. I should mention that I'm done with boards and forums after I-don't-know-how-many years of posting, and I don't really miss them. So I looked at a few online papers, passed on games, and then looked to see what's in my favorites to while away a few minutes. After glancing at a couple of random blogs, I thought I'd check on my own, this one in particular. And so here I am and I thought I'd write.

So now after a rum and coke and with stuffed up head and given the time, I'm tired and will post this entry, then write another very short one, and then go to bed.

G'night.

50 things to do before I die

2006-04-03T22:06:00.000-05:00

Eight years ago last month, I made a list of "50 things to do before I die" as an activity for a feminist-Christian group I was involved with at the time. Yesterday while going through junk in my den, I came across the list.

Here is the unabridged list, 56 things in all:

1. Lose weight
2. Be healthy
3. Get organized
4. See, hold, love grandchildren
5. Read as many of the books I own that I want (to read)
6. Be a published writer
7. Inspire others (students, daughters) to do their best
8. Visit Great Britain
9. Visit the Grand Canyon
10. Own a Blazer
11. Own a '56 (or '54-'57) Corvette
12. Get out of debt
13. Complete a master's degree
14. See my daughters succeed
15. Continue to love B
16. Keep more cats!
17. Get a greyhound
18. Keep pace with technology
19. Keep in touch with high school friends
20. Budget time
21. Walk, exercise regularly
22. Smile more
23. Be happy
24. Dine at fine restaurants
25. Travel by plane
26. Travel by train
27. Travel by boat
28. Take risks
29. Take advantage of opportunities
30. Give my daughters beautiful weddings
31. Find energy
32. Find spirituality
33. Go on a safari
34. Learn to grow flower gardens
35. Landscape my yards
36. Spend quality time with Dad, [sister] D, [sister] S, [sister-in-law] G and their families, and with Mom and Dad A
37. Manage money wisely
38. Retire happily
39. Buy a motor home to travel in after retiring
40. Visit cities in U.S. (Boston, New Orleans, Key West)
41. Visit Nova Scotia
42. Travel to other countries
43. Enjoy sunrises and sunsets
44. Enjoy sons-in-law
45. Be a beachcomber
46. Take a screenwriting class
47. Write a screenplay
48. Remodel home
49. Decorate home
50. Live long and healthy
51. Renovate old motel for family visits
52. Enjoy good music
53. Learn yoga
54. Learn tai chi
55. Organize pictures
56. Put home movies on video tape

So how many have I managed to do so far? Read on.

7. Inspire others (students, daughters) to do their best--Maybe. I'll never know for sure.

10. Own a Blazer--In 2000 B and I bought a used GMC Jimmy, so I guess that would count.

14. See my daughters succeed--All three have graduated from college, and one with a masters, and all are doing me proud in their own ways.

15. Continue to love B--Yes!

17. Get a greyhound--Yes, but sent her back to the adoption agency after 11 months because she whined constantly.

21. Walk, exercise regularly--I'm trying!

22. Smile more--ditto!

23. Be happy--I am happier than I've ever been in my life. See #32 below.

28. Take risks--Everyday whether I choose to or not! I did buy a motorcycle last year! And I put 7100 miles on it.

29. Take advantage of opportunities--I'm trying but maybe not as much as I should. Repeat: I did buy a motorcycle last year! And I ride it as much as I can.

30. Give my daughters beautiful weddings--I (We) helped a little with L's in 2002. It was a "simple but elegant" affair (in the words of a colleague)! I (We) are helping a little with K's May 27 event which will also be simple and elegant. A's is nowhere in sight which is fine by me.

32. Find spirituality--Actually, nearly three months to the day (June 7, 1998), I broke the chains of enslavement to Christianity, and I've never felt freer in my whole life!

34. Learn to grow flower gardens--I'm trying!

35. Landscape my yards--I'm trying!

36. Spend quality time with Dad, [sister] D, [sister] S, [sister-in-law] G and their families, and with Mom and Dad A--I did as much as I could with parents, and I'm still trying with sisters.

43. Enjoy sunrises and sunsets--I enjoy these as much as I possibly can!

44. Enjoy sons-in-law--I've got one and soon to have another, and yes, I enjoy them!

49. Decorate home--I redecorated my living room last year.

As for those things to do before I die that are not enumerated just above, either I'm still working on them or will work on them or will strike them from the list.

Maybe I'll revise and prune the list. The "assignment" actually was to list "50" things to do before I die.

No more exclamation points in my titles

2006-03-12T17:06:00.000-06:00

I was going to title this post "We rode again today!" I knew I had used an exclamation point on the last couple of posts, but, no, I did on the last four!

Anyway, we did ride again today but just to breakfast and to the home and garden show. We've got things to do--he reading and I cleaning, etc., but I've just whiled my time away again like always.

We rode today!

2006-03-11T20:16:00.000-06:00

B and I rode our bikes today, but just a short outing around town. A few times last fall, I had trouble starting mine. When B got the bikes out today (I was at work, then volunteering at the cat society), he couldn't get mine to start even after the battery was on the charger for awhile. He said I had let the battery go dry. I didn't know! So he put water in it and put it on the charger again.

I was home by this time. He tried starting the bike again, and it still didn't start. So he jumped it. We kept it running for several minutes and then went for a ride. We didn't want to go too far away and take the chance of my bike not starting again, so we came home. After a couple of hours, it started up right away, so we went downtown for dinner. It started again after dinner.

This next week, the temperatures are going to be in the 30s again, so we'll see about the battery. If I keep having trouble with starting the bike, I'm going to see if I can get a new battery under the warranty, but that's going to be up real soon.

I've another blog!

2006-03-05T17:55:00.000-06:00

Oh, I'm such a prolific blogger that having one just isn't enough! Ha!

I have another blogger blog that is strictly private. It's one where I can rant and rave about the ups and downs, highs and lows of teaching middle schoolers under the current politics of education. Not a pretty picture. Not an active blog, either. By the time I get home, I'm too tired to do any ranting, and I just want to put whatever stressed me out behind me.

Yesterday I set up another blog, this time with http://edublogs.org/ which provides "free blogs for teachers, researchers, librarians and other education professionals." It also does free blogs for students at http://learnerblogs.org/. I'm trying this one out, learning my way around it in hopes of proposing it or some software for students to use in the classroom. As it is now, anything even remotely related to blogs is blocked to students and teachers.

Let's see. I also have a Delphi Forums blog that I set up a few weeks ago but haven't posted on yet because my computer is too old and can't handle it!

So that's four blogs for me.

Surprise!

2006-02-27T04:40:00.000-06:00

I lost four pounds last week which is surprising because I didn't exercise at all and I ate a bag of Easter egg-shaped Reese's Vanilla Peanut Butter Cups. However, I ate fairly well otherwise. I've managed to eat well enough long enough now that my appetite is considerably smaller. I just need to keep up the better eating and get back to exercising, which is where I'm headed right now.

Brilliant!

2006-02-24T20:41:00.000-06:00

Overheard in a store: one senior woman to another, "Are the days staying lighter longer, or is it just me?"

Weighed in

2006-02-18T22:30:00.000-06:00

I don't need no rocket scientist--or B for that matter! That matter being buying a scale as mentioned in yesterday's post.

When I asked him if he'd go with me to buy a scale, predictably he said, "We've got a scale upstairs."

"Yeah, I know [duh!]. Forget it."

So I went out and bought one. It wasn't so bad a task after all.

The scale remembers the weight for two users and shows the change from the last weigh-in. Something I didn't think about in the store is that we'll each be able to see the other's weight. No more secrets! Oh, well. There better not be any teasing or nagging! If he teases or nags me one time, I'll hide the new-fangled, digital scale and relegate him to the old, analog one that he's so attached to!

So I weighed in, and that's all I'm saying.

Weighing in

2006-02-17T17:26:00.000-06:00

Well, no, I'm not disclosing my weight right here right now! Maybe after I lose a bunch of it, I can say what I once weighed and how many pounds I lost but not now.

I want to get a new scale. When I looked at them a few weeks ago, I was dumbfounded by the pricey, new-fangled with-all-the-bells-and-whistles choices out there. It's obviously been years since I've looked at them. I need a rocket scientist to go with me to pick one out.

A few weeks ago I went to Ladies Workout Express to start a "fitness study": nine visits over three weeks. I put down a $20 deposit. It wasn't a "study" at all really, and due to a bout of flu and then being very busy one week, it took me five weeks, I think, to complete. I really liked the facility which has 24 stations of circuit training, and it's just for women.

I fully intended to join after completing the study. That's when I found out what the deal was: being a study participant, I was offered $5 off the monthly rate of $39.95 for the one-year plan. The rate is lower for the 2- and 3-year plans. Not one to commit to long-term plans such as this, I was not impressed. In fact, I was disappointed because I really wanted to continue with it for a few months. I asked about a six-month plan. No such plan. The monthly rate is $50. That's a lot!

I told the owner that I'd have to think about it. I did. The next morning I decided no deal for me. Once the weather warms, I'll be out walking. For now I'm trying to discipline myself to do my old, standard in-the-living-room exercises that have worked well for me in the past. In the week since deciding not to join the club, I've exercised only twice and attempted to one other time.

I'm eating much better and much less, and I'm pretty certain I've lost a few pounds. Maybe this weekend, I can talk B into going with me to buy a scale.

Why can't I...

2006-01-15T20:35:00.000-06:00

just sit down here at the computer and write entries on this blog from time to time?

I shouldn't be here now anyway. I need to go to bed to rest from this cold that's been brewing for a couple of days so that I can function well enough tomorrow to grade essays. I finally found them a hour or so ago. I thought they were in my classroom, but they weren't, I found out yesterday when I was there. Then I thought they were in the mess on the back porch, the mess I moved from the dining room table so we had a place to eat over the holidays, but they weren't on the back porch. I finally found them in a pile of stuff in my bedroom, and I should have thought to look there long before I did. I'm too tired and feeling icky to work on them now, though, so I should go to bed. Besides my back is hurting, too.

No school tomorrow. MLK Day.

Grades are due at 8 am Wednesday.

Fiesta Bowl

2006-01-02T19:45:00.000-06:00

Ohio State beat Notre Dame 34-20. Dang it!

Back to work!

2006-01-02T19:18:00.000-06:00

In less than 12 hours, I'll be back in the classroom, and as usual on the eve of returning to work after a break or vacation, I'm remorseful because I haven't accomplished what I had hoped to. I cleaned the mess in the dining room, but I mostly just moved junk into the den and back porch.

I finally finished "decorating" the living room--a year after painting it and getting new furniture. I've added several new items including a fairly large, free-standing chime. I'm very proud of the decorating I've done! I wish I had a digital camera and knew how to post pictures here. Oh, well. Some day. Maybe.

So the den didn't get cleaned. My bedroom didn't get cleaned.

And school work didn't get done. There's still time to look over what I should have done and maybe even do a little bit. I'll need to refresh my mind as to what I am planning for tomorrow. I know students will be expecting tests to be returned, but I'm not sure that's going to happen. Oy!

I'd be feeling a bit more upbeat right now if Notre Dame was playing better in the Fiesta Bowl against Ohio State. With seven minutes left, ND is down 27-13. I was really looking forward to a good game--um, one that ND wins.

I'm ba-a-a-ck!

2005-12-30T01:16:00.000-06:00

Here I am! Blogging! omg! After 18 months! Let's see if I can make this at least a somewhat regular occurrence.

So what have I been up to in the last year and a half? Getting older, fatter, lazier--if that's even possible--to get lazier than I already am!

I've got a bike now! Yep! I'm a Motorcycle Mama! And I've been called that more than a time or two. Last spring I bought this 2005 Kawasaki Vulcan 750:

B bought this 2004 Honda Shadow Spirit but in black:

B, K, and I took the Motorcycle Safety Foundation Rider Course in April. It was pretty intense, and I wasn't sure I would pass, but I did! And I'm a very happy rider now, having logged 7200 miles! Well, not so happy now that winter's here and the bike is put up for the season. Wow! What a difference a toy makes! I'm lovin' every bit of my new hobby!

In June I got a tattoo in honor of this new phase of my life! I bought it from Celtic Lady Flash. It's a "triquetra," representing the three phases of womanhood: maiden (pinkish), mother (red), and crone (purple) intertwined with a deeper red heart. The design reminds "one of the eternal love of sisters." It's on my left arm just below my shoulder. This makes tattoo #4.

Let's see. What else? A graduated in May with an English degree but is not working in her field as yet. She's wanting to go to grad school to study journalism.

Ka and Ky became engaged on Nov. 24 this year! Yea! They're planning a May 27 wedding, keeping it simple, and they're wanting to honeymoon in Europe.

L and R have another dog--he and the other are my only grandbabies!

I've been thinking for quite awhile about starting a blog for the sole purpose of reflecting on my experiences as a middle school teacher. So often the things my students do and say would/could not be believed. So often, especially in the last school year and a half, I've been so stressed. So often I find myself thinking, "I need to make note of this or that in writing. I need a space to vent and to brag as well." I actually have the blog set up. Now all I have to do is write on it, and now that I've come back here and posted, I'll be inspired to get the other up and going. It, however, will not be public--for my own protection!

I have more to cover, but this will be enough for now. I'm getting tired.

Until the next time, and may it not be so long!

Oh, and thanks to sq for inspiring me to come back to my blog!

Random notes

2004-06-21T10:17:00.000-05:00

B is nearly done with the shed. He, with a little help from K, L, R, and me, finished the landscaping yesterday in front of one-half of the house. We removed rocks, rocks, and more rocks, and a couple of bushes. We planted five azaleas and grass seed, so the lawn will now extend about eight to ten feet more. I've always HATED those rocks!

I'm late buying annuals and was afraid I wouldn't be able to find any at all, but I did yesterday. I had to get other types to fill out the bed because I found only a few of the usual impatiens that I plant. Now I have to plant them but won't until I get the long-overdue article done. This morning I spent more money on potted plants for the frontyard and backyard.

A is here for a couple of days. She brought home some of her things that she doesn't have room for in her new apartment.

Ka will join Ky in Spain next Thursday for his last seven days there. This is a spontaneous decision she made yesterday. Good for her!

We sisters, our spouses, and most of our kids and their SOs finally have a weekend in July where we'll meet at the campgrounds. Hooray!

Summer vacation--finally!

2004-06-17T15:02:00.000-05:00

My official (paid) last day of school was Wednesday, June 9. However, I just finished up in my room yesterday, a whole dang week later! I'm moving to another building when school starts in August, so I had to pack everything, meaning emptying file cabinets. I've collected a good ton of material since I last moved from one building to another ten years ago, so this was one daunting task! When I've moved within the building, filled file cabinets could be moved, but not now. I'm so glad to be done with it all! I couldn't really do much packing before the end of school because I was busy grading research papers and other writing assignments. To make matters all the worse, the air had not been working, so I sweated and hot-flashed my way to the end.

So in August, I'll be in a building that's being completely renovated, so I'll have a brand-new new room with lots of storage and counter space! And the building's all on one floor! No more climbing three flights of stairs umpteen times a day. Oh, how will I get my exercise?

So now I have to get to work on all that's been neglected for the past several weeks.

I'll try to blog at least once a day or maybe twice or thrice a week!

Another day, another break, or Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?

2004-05-31T13:11:00.000-05:00

Grade a paper, take a break. Grade another paper, take another break.

obsessive compulsive

Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

Little surprise, but I am not a "pesky clean freak."

Taking a break

2004-05-29T14:30:00.000-05:00

This is the 134th break I've taken today from grading papers. I don't even want to write about what I should be doing, why I'm not doing "it," or anything else related to "it."

What I am going to write about is what I'm going to be doing in less than two weeks. In 11 days. After the last 6 days of students. After the last 7 days of the 2003-04 school year. Starting on the 12th day from now, Thursday, June 10th.

I'm going to:

~blog much more regularly, perhaps every day;

~change my blog template;

~start a new blog, likely one devoted entirely to the aspects of teaching middle-schoolers--such great material;

~read other blogs more regularly;

~write the long-overdue piece for Expository Magazine;

~learn DreamWeaver so that I can start to pull my weight as a member of EM's design team;

~edit my assigned pieces for EM;

~take a week-long course for credit at the end of June, putting me in a higher wage bracket and earning half the credits needed for my next certification in four years;

~take several half-day and full-day technology workshops through the district throughout the summer and earn stipends for each (woo-hoo!);

~participate in a two-day team-building workshop with stipend, too;

~train in a five-day, 40-hour program (with big stipend!) to become a "master teacher in technology";

~visit with sisters, brothers-in-law, nieces and nephew and their SOs, along with B, K and K, L and R, and A and C for a weekend at the campgrounds, we hope;

~cook;

~eat healthy;

~exercise;

~lose weight;

~feel better;

~work in the yard;

~drink margaritas;

~read (so many books on my list!);

~see movies--in the theaters and on DVD and start to get my money's worth out of Netflix;

~travel to Seneca Falls with K, L, and A and to Nova Scotia with B, neither of which is looking promising with all that I've committed to;

~spend guilt-free time on the internet;

and

~organize and clean, just like I plan to do every summer!

I probably left something out.

I should remember to evaluate this list in mid-August!

Leave a voicemail, or leave me alone!

2004-05-19T21:28:00.000-05:00

Over the last two days, we've received about eight phone calls from a name and number I don't recognize. With no daughters living at home anymore, we don't get that many calls, so when the caller id showed an unfamiliar name with a local phone number, I know I don't know the caller. So I didn't answer any of the calls. I didn't want to be bothered. It's my prerogative, after all. That's why I have caller id. If the caller wants to contact me badly enough, he/she will leave a message. All but two times the caller hung up before the call went to voicemail, and the only "message" left was the sound of the phone hanging up--twice. So I start thinking someone is harrassing me/us.

This evening I decide to see what I can find out about this chronic caller. I looked in the phone book. While there are several listings of this last name, there is none with the initials G. H. I didn't think to skim the listing of numbers. I go online and off the top of my head try whitepages.com and have no luck. Seems like I'd have to pay for the address of the person whose name and number I have. As I sit pondering what to try next, the phone rings. I'd already decided to take the next call from this caller.

So I answer it, and all my questions are answered within moments.

Me: Hello?

She: Is this Mrs. S?

Me: Yes.

She: This is G R, your neighbor behind you. [Actually, behind me and over one house.] That's your big cat in your backyard, isn't it? [She makes this assumption because I have had cats in the past, but they were indoor cats who, at one time or another, would escape to the outdoors. She probably would have heard us calling for escaped cats in the past.]

Me: No, I have no cats. [I've not had cats for a few years now.]

She: Well, that cat's been using my garden for its bathroom and is digging it up. [Hello?! I don't care. The cat is not mine.]

Me: It's not my cat.

She: Do you know whose it is?

Me: What color is it?

She: It's gray and white.

Me: That's the neighbors' cat across the street from me.

She: Do you know their name?

Me: No.

She: You don't know their name?

Me: No, I don't. [I was not about to give this uppity backyard neighbor the satisfaction of learning what I do know about the owners of the cat: Three generations live in the house. I do know one woman's first name, and we greet one another and sometimes talk when we're outside. I know her eight-year-old daughter's name, and we talk, but I don't know the woman's mother's name although we greet and talk as well.]

She, indignant: Well, then, okay. Bye.

Me, somewhat victorious: Bye.

Victorious because I had been harrassed by her repeated calling. She did not have the decency to leave a message. When I answered the phone this time and discovered who the mysterious caller was (I wouldn't know her if I saw her), I realized she had been calling me when she knew I was home! And that really pissed me off. She can call, can harrass me with her calls knowing that I was home, but she couldn't leave a damn message!

Cicada Seasons' Greetings!

2004-05-16T06:00:00.000-05:00

Argh! This is me:

Take the Cicada Test!

Tell me what you are!

For all you cicada freaks, check out Cicada Mania. Send postcards to your friends, too!

Random thoughts because I can't make myself write here regularly

2004-05-08T08:55:00.000-05:00

So many thoughts. So little time. Baloney! I have time. I just don't use it productively because I am the Queen of Procrastination. For example, I've spent considerable, yet creative, time at Mr. Picassohead.

The Note
A few months ago--January? February?-- a student left a note of apology on my desk. This note is too precious to let go, so I decided to comment on the note here. However, the contents on that piece of paper inspired me to consider the many facets of this individual. I have come to appreciate his myriad idiosynchrasies since receiving The Note. So, if/when I do devote time to writing about The Note and him, I want the piece to be comprehensive in scope. (Is "comprehensive in scope" redundant?)

Just in case I never get around to doing this comprehensive entry, I want to make note of a compliment this student gave me the other day. I had just finished reading to my eighth-grade students an essay I wrote years ago in college. I use this essay in May every year as a model of descriptive and reflective writing before they write the same. He said, "You write like Stephen King. I loved listening to your essay!" *blush*

A Conundrum
I mentioned to two classes that I have a blog. I was surprised that most of them don't know about blogging because I know that vast numbers of teens blog. I told students that I might give them the link to my blog on the very last day of school. But then I unintentionally mentioned to the second class that I had wanted to write about the student I refer to above. Of course, they wanted to know who it is. Of course, I won't tell them. Now I have a conundrum: share my blog with students? risk revealing the identity of the student who should remain anonymous, assuming I will write that entry? risk revealing more about me than I want students to know?

Pastimes
I'm listening to Air America Radio. A Chicago station carried it for a few weeks, so I could listen to it in the car, but no more. It was taken off. Now I listen to it online.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Air America Radio has an EZBoard Online Community. In my role of Queen of Procrastination, I have discovered other interesting ezboard communities: All That's Left, Democrats, DIY Politics.

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I've added a few blog links to my list. One that really impresses me--not that many others don't--is feministe. I've figured out how to put links in my text--not difficult, just needed to take the time to do it. I've noticed the blogging trend of linking to websites, so I want to be cool, too. I'm such a follower.

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A website I always have up: Dictionary.com.

Family
K finished her masters program last week and will have her graduation next Thursday. With honors, too! The last three years have been very demanding for her as she continued to work full-time. I'm so proud of her! She and her friend are running in "the nation's largest" Mini-Marathon in Indy right now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

B and I went to a cousin's wedding in Ohio last week. Seeing all my relatives is always so much fun. Not all of them were there, though. We met H's new boy(man)friend. He's an impressive individual. She's so happy, so I am, too!

Finale
I am quite satisfied with myself right now for having updated my blog before another month passed without an entry! I must now face the piles of papers needing to be graded. Only 21 days of school left!

Now to post and publish to see if the links work.

Another loss of one too young

2004-04-15T19:32:00.000-05:00

(Daughter) A lost a very close friend last night. My whole being aches for her and for her close-knit group of friends.

Too young, too sudden, too much, continued

2004-04-15T19:31:00.000-05:00

S's memorial service was Tuesday evening. I spoke. I didn't plan to, but I was moved to do so because of six women there. I recalled the trip S had planned for a group of women to Seneca Falls, NY, in July, 1998, to celebrate the 150th anniversary of the first Women's Rights Convention. S and her business partner had founded and managed a woman's center. This trip was one of several "road trips" that she planned for clients and friends of the center and for which she came to be well-known in her circle of friends, acquaintances, and clients.

S had our four days jam-packed with sites to see and activities to do. We traveled the countryside to the homes of Elizabeth Cady Stanton (actually right there in Seneca Falls), Susan B. Anthony (in Rochester), and Harriet Tubman (in Auburn), and to the gravesites of Anthony and Frederick Douglass (in the same cemetary). We also visited the Women's Rights National Historical Park and the National Women's Hall of Fame, both in Seneca Falls.

I think we numbered 12 women on the trip. Seven of us were at the church to celebrate S's life Tuesday evening. What is really remarkable about that is that many of these seven women didn't know each other before that memorable trip. Because of S, friendships started and continue to thrive several years later.

S affected countless people. Frankly, some of us wouldn't be who or what we are were it not for S.

Recalling a tragic loss

2004-04-11T02:17:00.000-05:00

While writing a post in a grief thread on one of the boards I frequent, the following recollection started taking shape. It is more fitting here.

When I was in 9th grade, three members of a family that I had been very close to through my grade school years were killed when the truck they were in was hit by a train. The father (of seven kids), the second-oldest son (16 or 17), and the youngest daughter (8, I think) had just left the son's girlfriend's house. A side street ran alongside the girls' house, and running parallel to that were railroad tracks. The crossing wasn't 50 yards from her house. Snow had been falling heavily. To be honest, I don't remember if gates were at the crossing or not. Did Mr. A go around the gates? Did the crossing have no gates? I seem to remember this: Authorities said they probably never saw the train. It was awful. Simply awful.

From kindergarten, I was friends with L, the only other daughter in that large family. I loved going to her house because there were so many kids, and lots of friends of the family and of the kids visited regularly. Mrs. A was so sweet and kind, and Mr. A was fun and funny! I even remember his laugh and his smile.

E, the son killed, was two years older than me. Off and on, I had had crushes on him. Other times I dreamed of him being the older brother I didn't have. Either way, he was just so cool! The crushes weren't too serious, though, and when he started dating R, a new high school friend of mine, I was jealous for about two minutes. Well, maybe a little longer. They made such an adorable couple, though, that I couldn't help but be happy for them.

News traveled so quickly that night. I don't remember who called me. I do remember that after hanging up the phone, I crawled under the desk where I crouched and cried for I don't know how long.

Students were stunned and silent at school the next day. The line at the visitation stretched out the door of the funeral home and down the street on the cold winter evening. The church where the burial mass took place was standing room only.

I remember that when R returned to school I thought how strong she was to return so soon to the place where she and E had walked the halls, holding hands and sneaking kisses. Friends helped R through her grief, and two brothers, one (RH) in my grade, the other in E's grade, reached out to her immediately.

RH and R took a liking to one another and soon started dating. R and I were not real close friends, so I don't know exactly how the relationship evolved other than from my own observation. They dated throughout high school, married, had a number of kids, fostered still more, were given grandchildren, and the last I knew--in the summer of 2000 at a class reunion--were still happily married. I have no reason to believe they are anything but that today.

The tragic loss of the three family members--husband/father, son/brother, daughter/sister--devastated countless people. I dreamed of E every single night, I swear, for a year. If he wasn't on my mind when I woke up, all I had to do was recall what I dreamed, and he was there, somewhere in the dream. The dreams weren't necessarily about him. Some were, no doubt, but usually he was just somewhere there in my dreams. For a year, E kept company with me in my slumbers.

I haven't thought about the night of the tragic accident or about the A family for quite awhile. I'm glad I've done so tonight.

Too young, too sudden, too much

2004-04-09T09:32:00.000-05:00

S passed away yesterday, Thursday. Her husband G found her unconscious early Wednesday morning. She was taken by ambulance to the hospital and was placed on life support. She died of a massive stroke yesterday morning. S is too young--54, this has happened too suddenly, and it's too much for her loved ones.

I last saw S two weeks ago this evening at a gathering of eleven women friends. She was unusually quiet as we sat around the oval table eating and talking. She had a small helping of spaghetti on her plate, but I don't know that she even touched it. She contributed very little to the conversation, telling us at one point that she had been recognized so soon at her new job when the organization held its annual St. Patrick's Day luncheon, then later saying that she had been at her new job only a week. The math didn't add up. Her mental state was noticeably in a fog.

Eventually, she quietly left the table to recline in another room. After awhile, word came back to the table that S was feeling ill. She thought she might have a sinus infection. She'd been having headaches, she had said. Later she vomited and then asked if someone would drive her home. M obliged and called the house when she returned home to tell us that S had vomited again on the way.

I hadn't heard from or seen anyone from the group until Wednesday afternoon when KM called to tell me that S had been taken to the hospital. Since then I've heard that she had told people in church this past Sunday that she was feeling better.

S was a free spirit. She marched to a different drummer. She was the pied piper. She was upbeat, optimistic, creative, genuine, caring, sensitive, intelligent, outspoken, friendly, loving, strong, powerful, intuitive, inspiring, clever, prompt, organized, encouraging, warm, sympathetic, empathetic, industrious, determined, joyful, fun, funny, crazy, daring, wise. All that and so much more. She was full of vitality and lived life to the fullest. So when we last gathered two weeks ago, we were puzzled by this very different woman.

What happened? Why did this happen?

S is too young, this is too sudden, and it's too much.

To be continued as I continue to grieve and to learn more about the circumstances surrounding the tragic and premature passing of my friend S.

Just another spring break day (for lack of a clever title)

2004-04-06T15:11:00.000-05:00

I need one of those handy, tiny tape-recording devices with me at all times. Something that's small enough to carry in my pocket or on a key ring or around my wrist. Something that's reliable but not too expensive. All of my ideas come to me when I have no means by which to record them, and foolishly I think I'll remember said ideas the next time I sit down to blog. This is one reason I'm so negligent in blogging. I've got a crappy memory. Another reason is I'm ill-disciplined.

Today is day two of my spring break, counting just the weekdays. And what can I say I've done? Yesterday I visited the boards, grocery-shopped, visited the boards, cleaned the mess of several days' worth of dirty dishes, visited the boards, cooked dinner, visited the boards, watched some tv and tried to stay awake to watch the ho-hum men's final. Tonight's women's game should be more exciting.

Today I visited the boards, put a load of laundry in the washer, visited the boards, went for a walk, picked up sticks in the yard, visited the boards, moved loads of laundry around, told myself to do something productive, visited the boards, came here to blog. So trivial as this entry is, it is an entry. So now I can say I blogged today!

Time flies when I waste it!

So much to say, so little time

2004-03-13T13:40:00.000-06:00

Yeah, whatever! I just need to prioritize more regularly and efficiently. Sheesh!

Much has been happening in the last six weeks. On Saturday, Jan. 30, my car, a 1991 Ford Tempo that was Dad's until he passed away five years ago, lost its transmission, and since then, life has been hectic. Um, do I even want to break it all down and relate a play-by-play record of it? Nah, not really. A highlight, however, is that B and I are now owners of a brand-spankin'-new car! The first new car we've bought since 1988! Two weeks ago yesterday. We're like two kids with a brand-new toy! Woo-hoo! Got a moon-roof, a 6-cd changer, keyless remote entry! Believe me, I'd been starting to get a complex being in the minority of those who have to manually unlock their cars!

Work has been very stressful, and I keep thinking I'm going to post here about it as therapy, but I, um, don't prioritize very well. I think I want to relate this scenario or that event, but I never come here to do it. Eventually, I intend to write about a particular student, starting with a note he handed me a few weeks ago. That entry will likely be a time-comsuming one, so at this point, I may as well put it off until spring break. Yeah, when I have myriad other activities planned!

Unfortunately, we're having major problems with our computer. B's been working on it--troubleshooter and do-it-himself kind of guy that he is, and he thinks the solution is to upgrade. In the meantime, I've been making frequent trips to the library to check my email and to read, and sometimes post to, various boards.

And speaking of boards, I want to link to one particular board here and add other links, but that takes time, and I'm not putting the time into doing so now. So there.

Hmm, my last entry was one month ago today.

Until next time.

Dear Blog,

2004-02-13T04:48:00.000-06:00

I have not forgotten you. I will be back, hopefully, this weekend.

Love,
ms

Sometimes a note's not enough, or how my car didn't get fixed right away

2004-01-26T23:16:00.000-06:00

So the title pretty much says it all, but rambler that I am, I have to give all the details.

On my way to work Wednesday morning, I ran a stop sign. I was halfway through the intersection when I realized it, so I slammed on the brakes. The back end of the car swerved to the right, which, I thought after getting over the humiliation of the misdeed, was weird. Luckily, no cars or people were anywhere in sight at the time--about 5:45, 6:00. I continued on my way to work, my mind reviewing how I blew the stop sign at this intersection that I cross twice every day.

The next day, Thursday, I noticed that when I braked, I had to push the pedal further than normal. I played around with braking and pumping the brakes until I was convinced that they weren't working properly. Then on a clear stretch of the highway on my way home, I had to apply the brakes quickly as the light I was approaching turned to yellow, then to red. Like Wednesday morning, the back end swerved to the right.

The weather forecast I had heard throughout the day called for snow and icy conditions starting Friday afternoon. So, after the second sudden stopping and subsequent swerving (such alliteration!) in two days and with the forecast what it was, I decided to take the car to the service station that day. I would ask L if I could borrow her car to get to work on Friday. She had offered it earlier in the week when my car didn't start on Monday--MLK Day, so I didn't have school, but it started on Tuesday, so I didn't need to use her car.

In the evening I left my car at the service station where we have had most all of our car repairs done for years. The station was closed for the day, but I would have B drop the keys off in the morning. This practice is not unusual. The guys there, T, the owner, and S, know us and know our cars. They treat us well.

B bowls on Thursday evenings. He wasn't home yet at 9:30 when I went to bed, so I left a short note on a piece of mail: "Please drop my keys off at the M station in the morning." I left the keys on top of the note.

Before I left for work the next morning and because B did not wake me to ask about the car and because I didn't want to wake him, I left another note in large writing on computer paper: "Please drop my keys off at the M station. The brakes are really bad and need to be fixed." I put the keys on the note and even moved his keys onto the paper.

I thought about calling him before or just after I arrived at work to make sure he knew what I had asked him to do. Sometimes I need to be reassured, but I thought, "Naw, he'll see the note and will follow through." So I didn't call him.

In the afternoon on my way to the service station, I called B at work.

Me: Did you take the keys to M?

B: Yeah.

Me: What'd they say? (meaning are they going to fix the brakes today?)

B: They'll take a look at it.

Me: What'd you tell them?

B: That you had trouble starting the car and it probably just needs a tune-up.

Me: WHAT? You didn't tell them about the brakes?

B: What about the brakes?

Me: You didn't read my note, did you?

B: Your note didn't say anything about the brakes.

Me: It did too!

B: There was no note about the brakes!

Me: B, I left you a note on printer paper that the brakes are bad and have to be fixed! The keys were even on top of the note!

B: I didn't see any note except to take the keys over there.

Argh!

A few minutes later at the service station:

Me to T, the owner: So what'd you do?

T: Nothing. I couldn't find anything wrong with it.

Me: So-o-o, you...didn't...fix...the...brakes?

T: No, B didn't say anything about them. I thought they were bad when I pulled it into the garage, but he just told me you were having trouble starting it.

I related to T the notes and exchange with B. T said he and S would look at the brakes the next day.

Saturday morning T called and said, "It's not good." An image of me shopping for a new car darted from my mind barely before I registered it. He said, "The brakes blah, blah, blah on the back driver's side, and there's brake fluid blah, blah, blah, and blah, blah, blah. So it'll be about $300." Damn!, I thought. It's not that bad. Not bad enough to trade the car in.

T: I wish I'da known about this yesterday.

Me: So do I, but that's water under the bridge. So can you fix it today?

He said if they didn't have any problems, they could do it, but if I didn't hear from him by 1, he'd call on Monday.

I didn't hear from T at all, so I stopped at the station on my way home today, Monday. The bill was $350. He needed to get an adjuster he didn't account for in the estimate. That was fine. I was just happy to get my car back.

But then T had to tell me, "Oh, we had it done by 2:30 Saturday afternoon!"

Grr!

Thank you, L, for the use of your car. ;) xoxoxoxox

Bloggies

2004-01-11T13:59:00.000-06:00

I'm very new to this blogging, which, by the way, has been around for a few years, unbeknownst to me until this past summer.

At blogger.com's home page is a link to the Fourth Annual Weblog Awards, aka the Bloggie. So this recognition of global blogs and bloggers is new to me as well. And, hey, it's awards season as it is. The People's Choice Awards program is on tonight. (The link, by the way, is not to an "official" People's Choice Awards web site, which I was unable to find.) The Golden Globe Awards air on Jan. 25. That's the Hollywood Foreign Press's recognition of the film and television industries. The Academy Awards nominations will be announced at the end of the month.

So this is what I know about the Bloggies: It is not produced or supported by a big organization, such as are those mentioned above. In fact, by all accounts, an individual, Nikolai Nolan, appears to be running this and is offering a $20.04 prize to the Weblog of the Year owner(s). The Weblog Awards ceremony is included in the South by Southwest International Festival, which is, apparently, a big deal in Austin, TX, March 12-16. The Bloggies will be awarded there on Monday, March 15, at 12:30 pm.

I also know, from reading at the Bloggies web site, that anyone can nominate blogs for these awards. Just go to the web site, read the rules and other info, and nominate! Don't put off doing so, though, as nominations must be made by 10 pm, ET, tomorrow, Monday, Jan. 12.

Now don't be thinking that I'm telling all about these Bloggies for a selfish reason. Oh, no, no, no! I'm too green at this blogging, not to mention humble, to think that I or blah hog could begin to rank among the wonderful tens of thousands of bloggers and blogs out there.

Okay, so I do have an ulterior motive here, and that is to recommend the blog One Good Thing which I have in my links on the right. If you've not already taken a look at it, do so now because the blogger, who I'll call flea because that's how I've come to know her via message boards, is a very good, very witty, very compassionate, and very intelligent writer. Reading her blog will be a real treat. Trust me, you will not be disappointed. To be perfectly honest, I have not read very many blogs. Hers is one of only a few that I read regularly.

So I've nominated One Good Thing in the Fourth Annual Weblog Awards in these categories: Best American Weblog, Most Humorous Weblog, Best-Kept-Secret Weblog, Best New Weblog, and Weblog of the Year because it is that good. I encourage you, if you are interested and willing, to nominate One Good Thing, too. Remember, nominations end at 10 pm, ET, tomorrow!

By the way, I thank flea for her superb writing and wit which have inspired me to try my hand at blogging. Thanks, flea!

Which western feminist icon are you?

2004-01-11T10:20:00.000-06:00

I did this survey (see link below) that I saw at a fellow blogger's site, Going Dutch, and found out that I am Emma Goldman!

You are Emma Goldman! You are the mama of
Anarchist/Communist feminism and you inspired
millions to embrace the labor movement. Without
ever directly saying so, you directed efforts
toward saving wymyn and children from
exploitation. Oh yeah, you were also a total
sexpot!
________________________________________

Oh, what fun! But for more fun and to see what other western feminist icons are in the database, I took the survey another two or three times, varying the responses somewhat each time. Every outcome was Emma Goldman! Hmm! What about my real-life icon Matilda Joslyn Gage? I really do have a lot in common with her. I wonder if she is even in the pool? Yeah, it's just a fun survey, not scientific. Still I'm curious to know what other western feminists are included.

Why not try it yourself and share who you are in the Comments below?

Which Western feminist icon are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Top 10 reasons I love January

2004-01-09T05:21:00.000-06:00

10. The holidays are over.

9. Store merchandise is on clearance.

8. More attention is given basketball now that football is essentially over.

7. Networks are showing first-run episodes once again.

6. The awards season begins with the People's Choice Awards, followed by the Golden Globes and the Oscar nominations.

5. Snow is welcome, especially if it results in a school delay or, better, a snow day.

4. The school year is half over.

3. I enjoy remembering Mom when on her Jan. 1 always called home at 12:20 am, the time of her 1920 birth, to wish D, S, and me a happy new year as she and Dad celebrated the two occasions.

2. K's Jan. 14 birthday brings memories of her birth and is reason to celebrate.

And the number one reason I love January:

The days grow longer!

Ah, technology!

2004-01-03T08:54:00.000-06:00

Yesterday a post card from the main campus of the university from which L graduated arrived addressed to a person who does not live here. My first thought was, "Now this isn't even one of the G family members"--a family who last resided at this address more than 17 years ago. For years, but not in recent years, we'd receive an occasional mailing addressed to a member of that family. And more often than is acceptable, on some occasions at a rate of one a week, we receive mail addressed to people whose house number is the same as ours, but obviously, the street, always in the neighborhood, is different. That really gets on my nerves.

The post card delivered yesterday, however, is different, and, well, because it's a post card, I read the message on the other side. I laughed! How funny! How ironic! I have to share the message:

"You may have recently received a mailing from ****** University with information about the upcoming University Residences Reapplication Campaign. We discovered a problem with the program used to generate address information and suspect the address information on the flier was incorrect.

"We apologize for the error - technology is a wonderful tool but at times causes a few problems. Please disregard the mailing and accept our apologies for any confusion caused by the mailing error.

"Have a wonderful holiday season."

Sounds like a major error to me, especially as the message refers to "the upcoming University Residences Reapplication Campaign." That's Reapplication! Ooooh, boy!

Just as soon as I finish this post, I'm putting the card in the mail with a note that [person named] does not reside at this address and that my daughter, [her full name], formerly of this address, was a student at ****** from 1997 to 2001.

L lived on campus only her freshman year, 1997-1998, six years ago! And this error is being blamed on technology?

I'm glad I'm not the student or the parent of the student on the other side of this mess! Or the person responsible for the mess!

Nice guys finish last, but winning isn't everything: My tribute to former Chicago Bears coach Dick Jauron

2003-12-30T19:07:00.000-06:00

I'm not a sports writer. I'm not a sports authority. I am, however, my father's daughter and a product of his enthusiasm for sports. I enjoy watching sports and following teams. Make that some sports and some teams.

Take the Chicago Bears, for example. I came to know the Bears during the Mike Ditka years. (It took awhile, but Ditka did grow on me. Gotta love 'im!) When we moved to northwest Indiana, part and parcel of the Chicagoland area, in 1987, Bears hysteria was alive and thriving two years after the team's Super Bowl win of 1985. And over the next few years, "da Bears" found fame outside of the NFL with regular Saturday Night Live skits about them.

In my nearly 17 years in "da region," the Bears have had three coaches: Ditka (1982-1992, 112-68), Dave Wannstedt (1993-1998, 41-57), and Dick Jauron (1999-Dec. 29, 2003, 35-46). I didn't like anything about Wannstedt and actually lost interest in the Bears during his years. Then there's Dick Jauron.

I tend to be a fair-weathered fan, a term I first heard in my youth when Dad called me one, when at age 11, I shifted my loyalty from the Cleveland Indians to the New York Yankees as Mickey Mantle and Roger Maris made homerun history. I eagerly awaited the afternoon newspaper to read the stories and review their statistics. Shoot, I can't even remember any Cleveland players from that time. All I knew then, really, was that Maris was cute, and Mantle wasn't too bad, either!

I'm far from being a die-hard Bears fan, but I'm not a fair-weathered Bears fan either. Nah. But when the team's not doing so well, watching every game is, well, hard for me to do. However, because I listen to a Chicago news radio station on my way to and from work and watch late afternoon/early evening and sometimes late-night news programs, I keep abreast of wins, losses, players, injuries, records, and all the scoop. I see and hear Dick Jauron regularly on tv and radio.

I have a great deal of respect for Jauron because that's what he has for everyone and everything. On my way to work on Monday mornings during the NFL season, Coach Jauron has been interviewed at 6:45 on the radio station I listen to. Never did I hear him make a negative comment about anything having to do with the previous day's game--which was often a loss, the players or the coaches or the opposing team's players or coaches or the officiating. Never. That's Dick Jauron. A class act.

He is well-liked and respected by the players. Kordell Stewart, not one of my favorite quarterbacks, said, "Coach Jauron is a real man. Most people would love to blame someone else, would love to say that it was someone else's fault. Instead, he took it and put it on his shoulders. When you have a guy who is as loyal and as passionate towards the game and his players and the people around him as he is, you have to commend a man like that."

Free agent and wide receiver Dez White put the team's role and the game into perspective: "I think everybody's disappointed because we know it was in our control to play well enough to keep him here and we just didn't get the job done. Everybody wishes he would still be here for another year. But that's the business part of the game."

(I'm beginning to sound like a sports writer!)

Jauron ended his remarks at the press conference yesterday with this: "I stood here a number of years ago and, quite frankly, I have much more control today than I did then because I don't have to answer your questions. [Much laughter.] So that's where we end it. I have now said everything that I intend to say and I've thought about it a great deal, so I'll just end it and tell you thank you very much; I have loved every moment of it. I certainly wish it could have turned out better, but I am not looking back, I am definitely looking forward. So thank you very much, all of you."

Dick Jauron, one hell of a nice guy. Nice guys don't always win games, but they win in other, more important ways. Coach Jauron, you've made a difference in the lives of many people--the players and the fans. I wish you the best.

------------------------

While checking the Ditka era years, I found BearsHistory.com--"Where Da Bears are Still DABEARS." It's an awesome site, so check it out.

Allow me to introduce blah hog

2003-12-28T10:15:00.000-06:00

This is my blog: blah hog.

The first time I'd heard of "blogging" was this past summer. When visiting a favorite message board, a thread entitled "Do you blog?" caught my attention. I checked out some of the posters' blogs and thought how nice but not for me.

A few months later the topic surfaced on another board, a spin-off of the above referenced one, and this time I thought differently: why not? So I set up blah hog intending to keep it private yet eventually sharing it with family members. However, as I read others' blogs and wrote in mine, I began to think, yeah, I want to make this public. Is this not, after all, what I've always wanted--to be a published writer? Ah, well, this public publication of my blog suffices for now.

blah hog. Clever? I think so, but while it wasn't my first choice, it is my best choice! My first choice was "blah, blah blog," which was already taken, and my second and third choices were variations on the first, and they each were taken. Why so determined to use "blah?" When I talk, in particular when I attempt to relate an incident to someone, I tend to go on and on, as I've been told by those who love me most! My writing is of similar substance and length, which is why I wanted something along the lines of "blah, blah, blah." Apparently, others before me had similar thoughts. On my fourth attempt to name my blog something clever, "blah hog" just popped into my head, and I liked the sound of it! Say blah hog fast: blog! Eureka! It's mine! And, to boot, the name serves double duty: I am Blah Hog!

I'm a perfectionist. Well, in some regards, at least. Don't ever come into my house, or if you do, you are not allowed to enter my inner sanctum, also known as "the den" where sits this computer and myriad piles of accumulated garbage (somewhat literal), certainly embarrassing and fodder for another post, but I digress. Once I decided to put my blog "out there," I had to fine tune it. Being a language arts teacher and lover of our language, I've proofed and revised entries time and again. I wish my students had a fraction of my propensity for correctness in their writing. Disclaimer: As much as I have proofread and edited, I am still capable of erring. So please refrain from pointing out grammar, usage, and mechanics errors. I may be a perfectionist, but I'm not perfect.

If you're still reading this, I thank you! If you'd like to read more, let me suggest going to my first entry written on Sunday, Oct. 19, and read forward. I have only ten entries total, including this one. You can access previous months' posts by using the Archives links on the right. Tell me what you think. After each entry is a Comment button. Be forewarned that your comment is there for anyone to read. And novices that some of you may be (family and relatives), please don't use your full name, or even your real first name, for that matter. As you read through other entries of my blog, family and relatives, you'll see that I'm using only first initials of people I write about for the purpose of anonymity. I, too, want to be anonymous, so I hope you'll respect that.

If you'd like to contact me personally, or if you'd like to have your blog linked here, my email address is blahhog@comcast.net.

Enjoy the ride!

The Floridians' Homecoming

2003-12-22T23:51:00.000-06:00

L and R moved back to the area today after 15 months of living in Florida. Yea! They and friends J and R, who came with them, unloaded the truck before any of us knew they were in town. As word spread, we (she and her parents and sisters, he and his parents and brother, her friend, and J and R) gathered at our favorite downtown bar just a block east and a block south of their house. Isn't that cool? Having them here in town is going to be so wonderful. I just have watch that I don't over-annoy them.

Tomorrow is B and my 31st anniversary. Over the years, I had occasionally regretted choosing that date. Being so close to Christmas, our anniversary was almost always overlooked. But now that we don't do Christmas like we've always done (topic for another post another day), I want the 23rd to be the day that our family gathers for celebrating. What better reason to celebrate than the anniversary of parents who conceived, gave birth to, raised, cherished, and continue to love three wonderful daughters. But it's not going to happen that way this year. L and R's original plan to arrive here on the 23rd prompted Ky to take a shift then. So as of right now, we're not sure when the seven of us can get together, but we will.

Pseudo-shopping

2003-12-14T19:28:00.000-06:00

I can't tell you how many hours I've spent this weekend in stores pseudo-shopping and getting really irritated because merchants have so much merchandise that you can't push a cart around in some areas, and while most shoppers are polite, the few who aren't just really piss me off like the woman at Bed, Bath, and Beyond who just had to bring her cart down the eight-foot-long aisle I was in with my cart, and who didn't say, "Excuse me," but did say, "Can you move your cart back just a little?" without a "Please" as she forced her cart past mine which was there first. So I did and said under my breath, but I really did want to say it loud enough for her to hear, "Why don't you leave your cart at the end of the aisle and walk down it without the cart like I do!"

I'm frustrated because I don't know what to get the few people I should get something for, so I pick up and look at hundreds of possibilities only to put them back, thinking the person I have in mind doesn't really need it or won't really like it like I do. So then I keep finding things I want or need but avoid the temptation by telling myself I can come back after Christmas and after my next pay to get it but know I will forget all about it, or if I do remember the thing, I won't remember where I saw it, so I guess I don't really need it after all.

I really don't have to buy much as we don't do the whole holiday thing like we once did, but I still get a little something for B, Ka and Ky, L and R, and A, and a few others. And I have to find gifts for two work gift exchanges, both of whom are men and like sports. Argh! I haven't been able to find something that pleases me enough to give to them.

So this is what the "pseudo-shopping" is that I mentioned above. I go out, spend (waste so much) time looking, and don't buy anything, and I'm back where I started with gifts still to buy and less time in which to do it. So I've decided to give money to the girls and their SOs hoping they'll appreciate that more than useless gifts they'd pretend to like and feel obligated to keep or have to go to the trouble of returning. See? I'm doing them a big favor. And I am really okay with it.

Oh, and the music in the stores this time of year drives me crazy. At the end of my outing today, I was at the Hallmark store to buy a few cards. While I was looking around for gifts before beginning my search for cards, I was aware of two things: the music was pleasant--no Christmas carols, and the clerk was counting money, signaling that the store was about to close. I wanted to thank the employees for the nice music, but when I realized I wouldn't have time to find cards, I just left.

Lost in Menards

2003-12-06T23:44:00.000-06:00

I lost my temper at Menards tonight. Okay, that's a bit of an exaggeration. I lost B, and he was the reason for my anger.

The root cause of this incident at Menards can be traced back to June when K moved out. That's when the days are longest. This time of year, darkness falls about 4:30, 5:00. Sometimes I don't get home until 5, 5:30, 6 after staying late at work or running errands or shopping or otherwise spending time away from the house.

As I turn the bend on our street, I look to see if B's come home from work before me. Darkness. That's all I see as I peer across the widths of the two yards before mine. For weeks, B's been working 10 to 12 hours a day, so I'm not surprised that he's not home. Now depending on the phases of the moon and the moods of the neighbors (whether or not their outside lights are on), I often drive into the black void of the driveway which is only briefly illuminated by the car's lights.

Then, because I refuse to make more than one trip into the house, all 20 steps from car to front door, I gather all my belongings and whatever else I've accumulated throughout the day from the front and back seats by the dim glow of the dome light. I amaze myself sometimes with such balancing skills, feats of strength, and determination. Other times I irritate myself because I foolishly overestimate the same. What is truly amazing and horrifying about this weekday, late afternoon routine is that I do it all in the dark.

With foresight, before I do anything else after I've taken the key out of the ignition, I make sure I have the house key turned in the proper direction in my right hand. When I reach the stoop and manage to open the storm door--well, it's still the screen door even now in December, I, ladened with bundles, aim the key for the keyhole. Uh, I could use a little light here. Um, he-ere. Dammit! I can't find the damn keyhole! (A few weeks ago, I bought one of those skinny little flashlights to put on my key ring for the purpose of lighting the keyhole. Problem is, I don't have enough free fingers to finagle it.)

Now this scenario is entirely new for me. For the first time in almost 28 years, B and I are empty-nesters. Until last June when K moved out, someone was almost always home before me and would turn the outside light on at dusk. But no more. And so this is why we shopped at Menards tonight. I wanted a motion-sensored light or timer or something that would enable me to safely find my way from my car in the driveway to the front door.

So it's still early enough in December and late enough on a Saturday evening that too many holiday shoppers wouldn't be out there to annoy me. Or so I thought. But, wait, I can't put the blame for my irritability tonight on the shoppers. Oh, no, no, no! B, who hates shopping by the way--until we're in Menards, that is, was the cause of my irritation.

Here's how it went: First of all, I intended this to be a quick stop--in and out. We go into the store and head for the lighting section. When I see B start to browse, I said, "Let's find someone to ask where they have the motion-sensor lighting," and off I go to look. After walking several feet, I turn to see that he's not following me. He's going to find this on his own, I think. I'm going to have to keep my eye out for him so I don't lose him, I think, because I don't want to be here all night. I find an associate, ask, and head back to tell B where they've got this lighting.

Together we walk to the end of this department, several aisles down, and I turn right, where the clerk told me, and B turns left. Actually, this type of lighting was all along the back wall. He finds something. I find something else. He finds yet another product, and I do, too. We consider the options. This takes many minutes. We decide on one and put it in the cart. So far, so good. We're going to be out of here real soon.

On the way to the check-out, he makes a right turn, still in the lighting section. I stop the cart, back up, and turn to follow him. This is the actual beginning of my irritation because I thought we were done, but I see that he's found yet another option, one that I had actually been thinking of instead of replacing the whole light fixture because, after all, that one was new in the summer of 2002 when he painted the house. Here he found timers. I wasn't sure timers were available to put on wall fixtures like they have for plug-in lamps and such. And this is what I was really wanting, so I looked with interest. We debated over the types and decided on one. So, okay, we're done and outtahere!

Wait! I remembered that we need lightbulbs, so I tell B that I'm going into the next aisle to get lightbulbs. Pushing the cart down this aisle, I see a couple who is taking up space at the very spot where I want to look, and they are blocking my way in getting out of the store in short order. I'm getting edgier now. So I turn the cart around, go to the end of the aisle, down the next, and up the one where my lightbulbs await me. Ah! Got them! I turn the cart around because the couple was still blocking my movement and retraced my steps to reach a main aisle where I figured B'd be waiting.

But oh, no. He's nowhere in sight. My hopes of leaving the store shortly were dashed when I looked this way and that without moving too far from what I assumed he'd understood to be our rendezvous point. But no B. What to do? Stay and wait and hope he'd return shortly? Go in search of him? But where to start?

I waited in that general vicinity a few minutes before thinking that he may have gone to the check-out, knowing we were done. So I walked over to that area and looked in each check-out lane and in the immediate area but no B. The edginess grows. On my way back to the lighting section, I scanned each aisle I passed. No B. As I reached the entrance to the lighting section, I stopped and glanced over the tops of all the aisles in my range. No B. Pushing the cart, I pace. No B. I think if only he had a cell phone, I'd call him to see where in the hell he is. Then I think that he might have his pager on him. Still pushing the cart and pacing aimlessly, I reach into my purse for my cell phone, look in the phone book for his pager number, and there he is! Ten feet from me.

Where have you been, I demanded harshly in a whisper. He said, right here, looking at these...

Time elapsed in Menards: 45 minutes. We left with a digital wall switch timer with 42 weekly on/off settings and some lightbulbs.

Moral: Don't expect any trip to Menards with B to be short.

Bill Attack!

2003-12-01T15:52:00.000-06:00

This afternoon I experienced a major anxiety attack. Then Margarita and I chilled.

Today is the fifth day in a row that I've been home. I called off today, Monday, after the four-day Thanksgiving weekend because I didn't get done what I wanted to do, what I knew I had to do: pay bills--medical bills, specifically. Now family members, and a few others, know that I am a major procrastinator. MAJOR! I have piles of this and that everywhere waiting to be organized. But I won't go any further at this time with that scenario.

This most recent ordeal--paying medical bills after two surgeries this summer--I had put off for weeks. Back on October 8 (I know the date because I wisely took notes!), I actually (I use this word to illustrate my dreaded disdain for making phone calls) called the insurance company and spoke with a rep who assured me that all claims had been paid. The surgery center, however, kept sending me bills that showed I owed the whole amount--$7000--with friendly--at first--reminders that the insurance company refused to pay. A couple of weeks ago, I answered a call from a woman at the surgery center telling me that the center had still not received payment from the insurance company and that I would have to start paying the bill. I sent $50 the next day and made a mental note to follow up with the insurance company--someday. Ugh! and Hmph!

Luckily for me, I received additional money last payday, an expected "bonus" of sorts. I had entertained several ideas about how to use this money and finally decided to put most of it towards my medical bills, which after insurance, total about $1100. So the money was available to pay bills, right? So one would think, "No problem. Money's there. Pay the bills," right? Whoa! Not so easy, though.

After speaking with the insurance rep on October 8, I had received several (10) "Explanation(s) of Benefits" that I just set aside to look at later. Yeah, right! In the meantime, the various medical businesses continued to send statements that I continued to put aside to deal with later. It's not as if I was thinking, "I won't pay them." I thought, "Someday I'll get around to taking care of all these claims and bills." I had piles of insurance letters and piles of medical bills, so all I had to do was match them up to check for correctness, right?

Sure, that's easy for the structured, organized, energetic person to say. Not so for me, Procrastinator Supreme, Adult ADDer. I had Thursday free--because our family's Thanksgiving dinner was Wednesday night, so I could start matching claims and bills. But, no. My thinking was, "No sense doing this now. If I need to call business offices, I can't because they'll be closed on a holiday, so I'll do it tomorrow." On Friday, I just could not move myself to do this job! I simply wasted my time away, mostly aimlessly on the computer.

This whiling away of my time was not without guilt. Also weighing heavily on my mind were the tons of papers I have to grade before progress reports go out on Wednesday this week. But I could not, simply could NOT approach the paper-grading hurdle until the bill-paying hurdle was cleared. I just had that mindset. So all weekend I obsessed over not getting to the papers.

By mid-Sunday afternoon, I came to the realization that I wouldn't get the bill-paying chore done this weekend and that I HAD to grade papers. So I set aside the claims and bills and hauled out the papers and made a half-hearted attempt to grade them. At about 6 pm, I decided I needed one more day, a day to start afresh, a business day in case I needed to call the insurance and medical offices, so I placed a phone call to the sub line and called off sick for today. I felt an immediate sense of relief. I had the power to grant myself one more day, and I did. I didn't feel guilty at all about calling off because this mess was --literally--making me sick!

So this morning I spread the claims and bills out on the dining room table once again. Now this may sound like a load of crap to most people, but I swear this ordeal has caused much more anxiety than I am comfortable with, and even trying to relate the process here exhausts me. So I leave it at that.

I am happy to report that many medical bills have been paid today. Now after this deserving break, I'll move on to grading papers. I feel so good right now, and it's not because of Margarita. I've had a major load lifted from my chest. Walk in my shoes...

Thanksgiving

2003-11-27T23:48:00.000-06:00

Last evening, the Sw's--minus L, R, and Ky plus Da and Gr--celebrated Thanksgiving. This was the second year in a row we celebrated it on Wednesday, due to A having to work on Thanksgiving. I'm not sure I want this to be a tradition because then, for sure, B and I will always be alone on this one day.

(Daughter) A cooked the turkey, and she did a wonderful job (with a few phone calls to B at work)! The turkey was perfect. She made cranberry sauce, oh, I mean relish, too, and made other dishes. Earlier she had grocery shopped. She was super awesome!

Today B and I just chilled, each in opposite rooms, as usual. I spent a good amount of time on the computer, no surprise, actually all morning and later in the afternoon. About midday, I finished watching Whale Rider--that I couldn't stay awake for last night--while B napped. Very good movie. I'm thinking of showing it to my students. I'll have to look into the story more and figure how to tie it to the curriculum. Should be easy, though. The beauty of teaching language arts is that I can teach just about anything!

L called this afternoon. In less than a month, she and R will be "home." Woo-hoo! She dyed her hair black. A's hair's been black for quite awhile now. I just don't like unnatural black hair, at least not on my natural brown-haired daughters.

Ka didn't come by today like she said she would, but I guess the So's, with a houseful of family including T, H, baby, grandmother, and others, must have had a lot of visiting to do.

Tonight B and I went to see The Missing, also a very good movie.

This will have to do for now as I'm seriously falling asleep.

Wait! First read "The answer is blowing in the wind," Thursday, Nov. 20.

2003-11-23T13:32:00.000-06:00

Yesterday B and I raked and swept leaves to the street. While doing so, across-the-street neighbor came home, left again, came home again. Did she thank us for raking our leaves? Hell, no! No surprise. She didn't even acknowledge us.

While the temperature (60) is warm now, the forecast calls for falling temps, wind, rain, and even snow later. The wind has been blowing fiercely all morning. B and I were out early this morning doing more yard work. The first thing I noticed was that while our front yard was leaf-free, across-the-street neighbor's had many wind-swept leaves! Considerate person that I am, I hosed our piles of leaves in the street in front of our house. I hosed each additional 'barrowful of leaves I took to the street. I even hosed west-next-door neighbor's piles, too. Every time the wind picked up, leaves from other neighbors' piles went airborne and blew into across-the-street neighbor's yard! Snort!

The answer is blowing in the wind

2003-11-20T23:31:00.000-06:00

The question is...

When I came home from work today, the woman across the street pulled into her driveway. She called my name as she came across the street, so I went toward her, meeting her in my yard at the street. We rarely speak. She's the unfriendly one, so when she called out to me, I thought she had something important to say. I greeted her in a friendly manner.

Well, she had something to say to me all right! "M, when are you or B going to rake your leaves? They're blowing over into my yard."

I said, "Heh, we work 10 to 12 hour days. We'll probably get to it this weekend."

"Well, I'm tired of raking your leaves that blow over in my yard. Even the neighbors are tired of it. I raked your leaves from your driveway on Wednesday before they came to pick them up."

"We'll do it when we can. Thanks for doing my driveway."

I really tried to be civil. Well, I WAS civil, considering her nerve. Um, hello, neighbor. We work at our jobs Monday through Friday. It's dark when we get home. We have more to do than worry about raking leaves. Oh, and I resent that she was on my property when she raked our leaves from the driveway! But did I say anything? No. I thanked her!

This is not the first time she's complained to us about what we do or don't do.

Now this woman is in her 70s, I'm guessing, has been widowed for about 14 or 15 years, and takes care of her house and yard herself. We've been neighbors since we moved here almost 17 years ago. We've spoken through the years, but she really keeps to herself, unless, of course, she's complaining.

When her husband was alive, she complained about our porch light being so bright and being kept on so much that it bothered her husband when he tried to sleep at night. We grumbled amongst ourselves about her nerve, then changed the 100-watt bulb to a 75-watt one but didn't turn it off until all kids were home. Duh!

A few years ago, she griped about the girls sunbathing in the front yard! Well, to be honest, I didn't like that they did either, but after she bitched, I told them they could do it all they wanted.

This woman is not really a bitch. As I said, she keeps to herself. But her nerve has really ticked me off. Damn, I could complain to my next door neighbors whose grass clippings and whose teeny, tiny leaves (from whatever kind of tree is in their yard) end up in our driveway. But I'm just not like that. Too timid, I guess. And B has less nerve than I. So we just live with the grass clippings in the driveway, which eventually dry up and/or blow away, but the teeny, tiny leaves are tracked into the house, and that's really annoying, but I don't complain.

If all I had to worry about was a neighbor's leaves blowing into my yard!

I think we should wait until just a couple of hours before dark on Sunday afternoon to rake the leaves.

Just my second post

2003-11-07T21:01:00.000-06:00

Hmph! A few weeks later, and this is just my second post! I've been busy with school work: grading papers and more papers and doing grades and trying to organize my desk and work area at school. And I procrastinate so much!

Last Saturday I went in to my classroom to unpack several boxes of books left by one teacher and then another. That was a huge job. Countless books. On the way in, I had purchased a cheap bookcase at Meijer. That wasn't enough to hold all the books, so I went back Sunday morning to get another one. That corner of my room looks very nice. Now I need to spend considerable time organizing the various piles of papers, folders, books, and such on my desk, on the floor behind my desk, on top of filing cabinets. Ack!

Now that I think I've figured out how to get back to this, I should come here everyday and just write instead of spending so much time on the boards. Even if I write just a little, I could develop a habit and start writing longer, meaningful posts. We'll see.

Ta-da!

2003-10-19T15:55:00.000-05:00

On a beautiful and sunny fall Sunday afternoon, I'm doing what I do best: I procrastinate. I will do practically anything to put off what should be done. Today I have mounds of school work to do, bills to pay, rooms to clean--especially the dining room and the dining room table at which I could actually sit to grade papers were it cleaned.

At the moment, I'm in my favorite chair indulged in my favorite procrastinating activity: I'm sitting at the computer. And now I've found a new hobby: blogging! I've just started my first-ever blog. Ta-da!